Anyone care to explain???

Anyone care to explain why I can't just go out and enjoy myself when given a great escape?

Yesterday I experienced the rare alignment of the planets resulting in time for myself -- doing things I enjoy-- from around 1:00 pm until 7:00 pm. I started at Starbucks for a MOMS club meeting and then proceeded to watch Benjamen Button-- a heart-wrenchingly sweet story. It was divine in its own right. Theoretically it was a perfect Sunday. And I had fun with all parties involved.... but....

I missed Aaliyah and Shabbar. I left a quiet life at home of pj's and movie watching. Snuggling on the couch and popcorn with butter and m&m's. I came home feeling melancholy. It may have been the movie or perhaps my stupid hormones or heck maybe it was the full moon but I needed Shabbar to snuggle with me for a while after putting Aaliyah to bed. I had no words for what was wrong but I was just sad.

After about 20 minutes with Shabbar life started looking up again and I ended up crocheting my way to sleep with a smile on my face. I woke up fine and did just what I expected to today-- MOMS club meeting, YMCA (I ran 2 miles) and Taco Bell for Aaliyah and myself before she took her nap. I feel fine today-- no problems with life in general.

SO-- can anyone explain??? What the heck happened to me yesterday that I couldn't enjoy (to the fullest) my away from the family time? Why did I need to cry about it-- but be unable to articulate my sadness to Shabbar-- for 20 minutes, then sleep it off and wake up refreshed for business as usual? Ideas anyone?

Clutching-- so good for the Soul

Today was a great day--one of the days I thought (before Aaliyah came along) being a mama was going to be like every day. I'm glad they aren't all this way as it turns out-- where would I get perspective to know the great days from the not-so-great-ones.

I spent the morning baking and wraping and getting Aaliyah ready for an outing... then we went to Steph's house to coffee clutch. Aaliyah played with Isaac and Trent this morning like children are supposed to play! No fighting, no crying. They took turns playing dolls then trucks then games then ate their snack. Meanwhile us moms, sat and drank coffee and laughed our butts off then discussed books then talked of moving to the country and gardening and raising cows then how we were going to make a million dollars selling homemade crafts on etsy.com.

When it was time to go, Aaliyah came down the steps got her jacket and shoes and hugged Isaac goodbye and then we got in the car to drive home. Aaliyah sang a few songs with the radio and dropped off to sleep with a smile on her face. I took my nap time today to talk with Shabbar and craft a little. And here we are at 4:00 pm and we're ready to snuggle as we watch Gilmore Girls then get supper on the table.

This is the day that belongs to the model family in Real Simple Magazine. This is the day that belongs in Good Housekeeping circa 1955. The food came from the Betty Crocker recipe book and this amazing act of play between the children belongs in a Dr. Spock case study.

Have you ever?

Have you ever.... reached for the radio knob to turn the volume of your child's voice while in the car? Yep--- just did it today and I don't think it was the first time...

It's utterly strange to me that I am here in this life-- asking the question Have you ever and having it end in such a way.

When I was in college, I played a game once or twice called "I never..." someone said something like... "I've never-- fill in the blank-- fallen in love, done the walk of shame, fallen asleep in class while sitting in the front row..." *note to any Razvi who happens to read this... I have been in love, I have never done the walk of shame and I have fallen asleep in my freshman English class while sitting in the front row* In the game, if you'd done that thing mentioned you'd drink. If you'd never done it, you didn't drink. It was a fun way to get to know strange things about people... with a college-type twist.

Anyhoo, I type the question "have you ever" and am instantly catapulted back in time to those forgettable/unforgettable college days. And it's like I look up and realize-- I'm not 21 anymore! I'm not even IN my twenties anymore. I haven't played "I never" in more years than I can remember because I haven't been "that" girl since oh my gosh-- 8 or is it 9 years ago! I am not even the thing (a teacher) I thought I'd grow up to be anymore! Where did the time go?

But... I am happier. I am more settled. I am deeper. I am thankful for all the days in between-- good, bad, ugly-- because I have been shaped by the days. And I can't wait to see what zany thing I-- or my child does as the day progresses... because I'd rather ask these types of "have you ever" question about you and your kids and the weirdo things we all do.

Making Resolutions Come True Part I: My Triathlon Training Program

Last November I ran my first race. It was a bittersweet day. Bitter because it was the day I should have given birth to a child that I miscarried in my tenth week months and months before. Sweet because it was a step I'd taken to making my life my own again-- something I'd wrestled with for well.... months and months.

But a beautiful thing happened on the trail. It was only a 5K -- a perfect length for a beginner-- but it gave me about 30 minutes with crisp air in my lungs, lovely scenery for my enjoyment and a mp3 list in my ears to just be with myself. I made the goal that day that I would live my life each day with intention rather than letting days and days slip by. Part of my intention was faith based... as most lives of intention are. But part of it was me-based. I needed to reclaim myself-- the girl I was when I didn't live in fear of not-getting pregnant ever again or worse, getting pregnant and losing yet another baby.

Part of my intention based life is to move with purpose. Thus the goal to compete in a sprint triathlon was born. Below is the information that I'll be using to base my workouts for the next six months to ready myself for this race.

http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/cms/article-detail.asp?articleid=45

If anyone in cyber-space is out there and reading this blog, I'd love a little advice along this journey. I've run a race now and can swim and have biked medium length rides so I know I can do this, but if anyone has real life experience I'd love to know it!!

Day Late and A Dollar Short

Happy 2009!

I have always loved Loved LOVED resolutions! I love them so much in fact that I generally decide to "change my life for the better" twice a year. This happens at the true New Year on Jan. 1 and the other major "new year" time in the calendar-- Sept. 1.... As a past teacher, this day always excites me just as much as the real new years.

Anyhoo, this time around I have decided to do the following with my life:
1. Find joy in each day.
2. Relax-- there is nothing that I need to be SO uptight about.
3. Move and Eat with purpose.

What???!!! ONLY 3 measly resolutions you say??? Well, hee hee, these do open themselves up to much more in the sub-resolution category. Yes, I like sub-resolutions myself very much.

So here they are in more detail:
1. Finding joy
a. spend quiet time in the morning-- before the house wakes up doing something to better myself and my faith
1. This will begin with the Christian study Believing God by Beth Moore (no, I STILL haven't bought the books but as soon as I see Stephanie we'll sit in front of Amazon.com and she'll show me what to buy)
b. Journal and in that space, write down something or three things that made me happy in that day
c. Allow indulgences occasionally-- McDonald's Coffee with three creams and a xyletol-- trip to Goodwill while Aaliyah is in preschool just to treasure hunt

2. Relax
a. Laugh at life's mishaps more
b. Actively parent
1. get Aaliyah to sleep by herself EVERY night around 8:00 pm
2. get Aaliyah to nap every day
3. spend time with Aaliyah doing crafts, working on reading readiness and good-old-fashioned-playtime
c. Spend more time with friends be it my "people" (you know who you are!) or my activity groups
d. Start setting aside time to do things for the pure enjoyment of it-- stitch and bitch night, baking bread, getting good at knitting etc.
3. Move and Eat with Purpose
a. Train for the Sprint Triathlon
b. Keep up with the sugar-free-ish, lots of veggies (24 oz. of v-8 a day), fiber (five prunes a day)
c. Take vitamins (keep taking vitamins)
d. Drink water!
e. Keep up the cooking dinner each night.

Dreaming of... nose picking and "kum-fu??"

Last night Shabbar made a wonderful Leg-oh-lamb dinner while I cleaned the house-- we did this to host Shabbar's aunt's family and her sister's family. It was a wonderful night-- good food, great speaker (we listened to the Jaffari Islamic Center live) and great games afterwards.

But for whatever reason-- maybe the late night-- maybe the rich food... we all had vivid dreams last night.

Aaliyah has just begun to dream, or maybe to remember her dreams, or maybe is now able to articulate the dreams she has. At any rate she's had a few notable ones:

One night she walked into our room whimpering and telling me that there was a man trying to "bee-oom" her. ** Bee-oom-er is a gun. Bee-oom is the sound it makes when fired....**

Then a few nights ago, she woke up laughing out loud... so loud that she woke herself up! She told me that in her dream, Grandpa (my dad) was eating an apple and stuck his fingers into his nose in the process.... She thought that was SOO funny.


She's begun to dream that she's doing "Kum-fu" and can rescue animals like Diego (wonder if she's watching too much tv...) I love that she thinks she can do it all in these dreams. And they aren't all dreams of tending babies -- this little chicky is performing martial arts!

Me-- my dreams??? They are always taking place in houses. They are always very strange and surreal. I know-- for those dream analyzers out there-- I'm trying to solve problems...

But whatever I'm tryin to work out in my sub-conscious, I enjoy listening to Aaliyah's nighttime activites. Life with a three year old is a laugh a minute.